7 questions successful couples should be able to answer

7 questions successful couples should be able to answer

We asked experts what partners in healthy relationships absolutely must know about each other — and about themselves.

play Are you two on the same page?
(Mark Schafer/HBO) People in healthy relationships know they'll always be learning about their partner — and their partner will always be surprising them.
But there are certain things about your partner and the relationship in general that you should know pretty early on. We asked a bunch of experts — including a dating coach and a marriage therapist — to tell us the key questions that couples in successful partnerships can answer readily.
Note: If you can't answer most of these (admittedly tough) questions, that doesn't necessarily mean you're headed for a breakup. But it might mean you and your partner need to have some real talk, so that you both understand what you want and expect from the relationship.

What are your partner's biggest emotional triggers?

"Knowing the answer to this question is important because it can defuse conflict and increase empathy within the relationship.
"Often in life we are triggered by external events that remind us of negative feelings from previous trauma. When this happens we tend to lash out at those closest to us.
"If your partner knows what triggers you to behave badly — and understands the pain that's motivating that behavior, then they can take a step back and acknowledge that the tension has nothing to do with them."
— Emyli Lovz, dating coach

Does your partner have debt?

play Does your partner have debt?
(Justin Sullivan/Getty)

"How are they currently managing it and how do they plan to pay it off?
"We know that money issues are a big cause of relationships breaking up; so it's essential for both parties to communicate their status and plans so resentments or secrecy doesn't build up."
— Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and founder of pregnantish

What are your partner's deal-breakers? What are yours?

"Successful partners know who they are, who they aren't, what their struggles and blind spots are, and perhaps most importantly — they know their absolute bottom line deal-breakers.
"My wife, for instance, would never tolerate me even looking like I'm even approaching getting violent with her. I make a fist during an argument, and she'll be gone. Now, I've never been in a fight in my life, but this is not about me — this is about what she knows she cannot tolerate.
"And that's the point — great partners are actively working on self-awareness, and they actually use their partner's feedback to help them grow."
— Hal Runkel, marriage and family therapist and author of "Choose Your Own Adulthood"

What's your partner's feeling about a general timeline to start your family?

play What's your partner's feeling about a general timeline to start your family?
(Flickr/miamism)

"While we can't always plan for this, it's essential for couples to both want to have a child(ren) before going down this path. This is literally one of the biggest decisions of your life and relationship and you can't have only one 'yes.'"
— Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and founder of pregnantish

Are you both committed first and foremost to your relationship and to one another?

"Do we have each other's back? Are our partner's concerns first and foremost on our minds and agendas? Even when our priorities are different, are we conscientious about considering our partner's needs in any decisions that we make that may affect the relationship?
"Partners who are present to one another are committed to their relationship. For them the relationship comes first, even with the distractions that go with career success. Everyone else should come second."
— Michael McNulty, Master Trainer and Certified Gottman Relationship Therapist from The Chicago Relationship Center

How can you support your partner when they are at their lowest?

play How can you support your partner when they are at their lowest?
(Flickr / Pedro Ribeiro Simões)

"This helps you to communicate effectively during times of stress.
"Some people prefer to talk through a problem while others like to work it out in the gym to de-stress. If you know how your partner prefers to communicate in times of hardship, you can demonstrate your emotional compassion in a way that puts them more at ease.
"This can help them to better process the problem and leads to faster and more effective resolutions."
— Emyli Lovz, dating coach

Do you regularly point out things to your partner that you appreciate about them?

"Successful partners need to show appreciate to one another. This helps partners cultivate a habit of mind of scanning for the positive in their relationship rather than the negative, which breeds contempt, the strongest predictor of divorce."
— Michael McNulty, Master Trainer and Certified Gottman Relationship Therapist from The Chicago Relationship Center
 

16 things successful people do on Sunday nights

16 things successful people do on Sunday nights

Here are some things that successful people do to make their Sunday nights enjoyable and productive.

play Take some time for yourself.
(Sebastian.gone.archi / Getty) Don't let the Sunday blues get to you.
A 2015 Monster survey found that 76% of people get bummed out on Sunday night.
But Sunday can still be a fun day (not to mention a productive one). You've just got to have the right mindset and commit to something, whether it be getting tasks done, relaxing, or spending time with your loved ones.
Here are 16 things successful people can do to capitalize on their Sunday evenings:

They spend quality time with their families, friends, and significant others

play They spend quality time with their families, friends, and significant others
(Mallory Simon/Flickr)

Successful people know their weeks will be jammed and that they are likely to be unavailable, Roy Cohen, a career coach and author of "The Wall Street Professional's Survival Guide," tells Business Insider. So they make the most of their Sunday nights by spending time with their loved ones.

They plan something fun

play They plan something fun
(Tech Hub/Flickr)

"This idea may be the most important tip," Laura Vanderkam writes in her book "What The Most Successful People Do On The Weekend." "This extends the weekend and keeps you focused on the fun to come, rather than on Monday morning."
Vanderkam quotes Caitlin Andrews, a librarian, who says her extended family gets together for dinner almost every Sunday, alternating houses. "It takes my mind off any Sunday night blues that might be coming on," Andrews says.
You might also make Sunday a movie or spa night, or you could join a Sunday-night bowling league.

They organize and plan for the week ahead

play They organize and plan for the week ahead
(Flickr/Ebelien)

Some successful people like to look at their calendars on Sunday night and set goals and deadlines for the coming week, career coach Marsha Egan tells Business Insider. The trick is to do this without stressing yourself out.

They exercise

play They exercise
(Pricenfees/Flickr)

Take a walk, play a game of tennis, or go to a class at the gym, Egan suggests.
Vanderkam writes in her book that reality-TV producer Aliza Rosen does hot yoga at 6 p.m. on Sundays. "It's a great way for me to sweat out the toxins of the week and center myself for Monday," Rosen told Vanderkam.

They eat something healthy

play They eat something healthy
(jojo nicdao/Flickr)

It might be tempting to wind down with a couple of glasses of your favorite Cabernet, but as licensed counselor and Urban Balance CEO Joyce Marter points out in an article for PsychCentral, alcohol is a depressant that will leave you feeling less energized in the morning.
"Instead, make a healthy meal and enjoy with some herbal tea or some seltzer water with lemon," she writes.

They read

play They read
(Han Cheng Yeh/Flickr)

Most successful people read every night before bed, so Sunday-night reading is part of their routines.
They also use this time to catch up on reading that has been neglected.

They return calls, emails, and texts

play They return calls, emails, and texts
(Flickr/buzzfarmers)

Sunday nights often allow us the undivided time to return phone calls from friends or family and to respond to texts or personal emails we didn't have time to get to during the week.

They unplug

play They unplug
(Aya/Flickr)

After you finish responding to emails and texts, or returning calls, unplug for a few hours.
Truly successful people do anything but work right before bed, especially on Sunday night, career expert Michael Kerr tells Business Insider. They don't obsessively check their email, and they try not to dwell on work-related issues.

They relax

play They relax
(cortto/flickr)

Take some time Sunday evening to sit back and relax. You need time to recharge your mind and body.
Cohen says when you know that the week ahead will be full, a good night's sleep and a healthy meal are essential. "Fuel for the body and mind," he says.

They volunteer

play They volunteer
(Strelka Institute for Media, Architecture and Design/Flickr)

"Another great way to end the weekend is to volunteer," Vanderkam writes in her book. Nothing will take your mind off any stresses in your life like serving people who are less fortunate, she says. "It's a way to connect with humanity before everyone goes their separate ways for the week."

They plan out their sleep

play They plan out their sleep
(Mojave Desert/Flickr)

"Much has been written around the dangers busy people face running chronic sleep deficits, so one habit I know several highly successful people do is to simply make it a priority to get enough sleep — which can be a challenge for workaholics or entrepreneurs," Kerr says.
One way to do that is to go to bed at a consistent time each evening, which is a key habit all sleep experts recommend to help ensure a healthy night's sleep.
This is especially important on Sunday if you want to start the workweek off feeling well-rested and ready to go.
Vanderkam further suggests that you plan out when you're going to wake up, count back however many hours you need to sleep, and then consider setting an alarm to remind yourself to get ready for bed.
"The worst thing you can do is stay up late then hit snooze in the morning," she says. "Humans have a limited amount of willpower. Why waste that willpower arguing with yourself over when to get up, and sleeping in miserable nine-minute increments?"

They reflect

play They reflect
(Tatyana Tuyakbayeva/Shutterstock)

The dying embers of the weekend can be a good time to take a step back and catalog your feelings, especially if you're dreading Monday. Writing down your thoughts on a piece of paper can help you get to the bottom of what's bugging you, or give you the perspective that things aren't so bad after all.
Either way, the process will provide you with valuable emotional release, University of Texas at Arlington organizational behavior professor James Campbell Quick told The Huffington Post.
"It's a catharsis to get it out on paper ... It's like flushing a toilet: You get it out on paper and you have flushed your system out," Quick says.

They get cultured

play They get cultured
(Gary Ullah/Flickr)

As Business Insider previously reported, former "Project Runway" cohost and mentor Tim Gunn visits the Metropolitan Museum every Sunday to get his art fix for the week.

Sundays provide a great opportunity to pursue some kind of cultural activity —whether it be seeing a play, visiting an art museum, or swinging by some local historical sites — that you might not have the time or energy for during the week.

They network

play They network
(reynermedia/Flickr)

Networking doesn't have to mean "awkwardly standing in the corner of a room, surrounded by people you don't know." It's as simple as reaching out to a former colleague to congratulate them on their new gig, or taking the time to catch up with your college room mate (whose job you secretly want).
Since you might be busy the rest of the week, Sunday night might be a good time to maintain those connections.

They avoid caffeine

play They avoid caffeine
(Sam Howzit/Flickr)

As Business Insider previously reported, the Huffington Post and Thrive Global founder Arianna Huffington says that abstaining from caffeine after 2 p.m. is a crucial part of maintaining a healthy sleep routine.
So ditch the coffee on Sunday nights, or you'll regret it Monday morning.

They end Sunday on a high note

play They end Sunday on a high note
(Virginia State Parks/Flickr)

"Monday will come regardless of how you feel, so try to engage in positive thinking and reflect on positive experiences before ending your weekend," Michael Woodward, an organizational psychologist and author of "The YOU Plan," tells Business Insider.
Jacquelyn Smith contributed to a previous version of this article.
 

AFCON 2019 Qualifiers: We know Super Eagles' weak point - South African Captain

AFCON 2019 Qualifiers: We know Super Eagles' weak point - South African Captain

The last match between the Super Eagles and the South African team was during the 2015 AFCON qualifiers in Uyo, which ended in 2-2.

play South African team arrive Uyo ahead of Saturday, June 10, 2017 AFCON qualifiers.
(Goal.com) 

The Captain of the South African nation team, Thulani Hlatshwayo has disclosed that his side is aware of major weak line in the Super Eagles team as they prepare to for the all-important 2019 Africa Cup of Nations qualifiers in Uyo.

These weak points as stated by the Skipper of the Bafana Bafana is the country’s style of play and lapses in the central back of the team.

“We know we are smaller than them as players‚ so we don’t want to play the long ball but catch them on the counter. They are big‚ but a bit slow."

“It is going to be a grudge game for them. Knowing Nigerians‚ that’s how they are. They do have that arrogance they carry around. We have to be humble and make sure we don’t give Nigeria too much respect‚ and not be scared of them,” he said.

play South African coach, Stuart Baxter with some team officials on arrival at Uyo.
(goal.com)

Stuart Baxter, coach of the Bafana Bafana told newsmen during questioning that he is confident his team will play very well, despite the humid weather in Uyo and fatigue of some his players.

“We will approach the game with good confidence. We have a game plan for the Super Eagles and we won’t make excuses for fatigue, no matter what.”

“I’m confident that my players will give their all but I’m not confident about what I’ve taught them after three training sessions.”

“Of course if you’re playing under the heat you have to manage it well. No matter what happens even if a volcano erupts tonight they will still be up for the game,” he said.

The last match between the Super Eagles and the South African team was during the 2015 AFCON qualifiers in Uyo, which ended in 2-2. As result, the Eagles were unable to qualifier for the tournament.

Both teams have met for 12 times in all competitions, including international friendlies, with the Super Eagles winning 7 of these matches while drawing 4 and losing one which was an international friendly match in 2004.

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Photos of Magodo mansions owned by kidnap kingpin, Evans

Photos of Magodo mansions owned by kidnap kingpin, Evans

Evans, who was arrested in Magodo around 1pm on Saturday, also has two four-bedroom duplexes in Accra, Ghana.

play Evans being interviewed by reporters in Lagos
(NAN) 

The Police on Sunday, June 11, released photos of the houses owned by kidnap kingpin, Chukwudi Dumeme Onuamadike alias Evans.

The houses are all located in Magodo Estate in Lagos.

Evans, who was arrested in Magodo around 1pm on Saturday, also has two four-bedroom duplexes in Accra, Ghana.

See the photos below:

play Magodo house owned by kidnap kingpin, Evans
(NAN)

play Second Magodo house owned by kidnap kingpin, Evans
(NAN)

  

Igbo Man Reported To Be The First Out Of Kaduna Following Arewa Threat

A young man has reportedly taken a bold step to move out of Kaduna following the threat issued by the North.
According to a Facebook user, Chidubem Uchenna, the unidentified man, who was spotted carrying his suitcase on his head, is the first Igbo man to leave the North.
He wrote;

First Igbo Man to leave northern Nigeria after Kaduna declaration.. Start calling your people than here in the north to leave Ndi Ugwu Hausa.. Thunder Fire Arewa.. Biafra on my mind..
May Chukwu Abiama Grant Me Safe Journey back to Biafra Land. Isee’

The shared photos have since garnered over 1.6k shares and 700 likes on Facebook after it was shared by user, .
See more photos below:

How to Find the Right Partner or Spouse

Four Methods:Adjust Your Mindset, Know What You Want, Look in the Right Places and Make Sure it Works  Please feel free to express your feeling by asking questions.

We are here to guide you up.

Finding the right partner or spouse is not like finding the right person to help you survive a lonely summer -- it means finding a person that you can see yourself growing old with and loving thirty, forty, or fifty or more years down the line. Choosing the person you want to marry or commit to forever is serious business, and it demands a lot of forethought, responsibility, and honesty. But once you've found that special person, all of your hard work will be worth it and you can get ready for a lifetime of happiness. If you want to know how to find the right partner or spouse, just follow these steps.

Method 1  

Adjust Your Mindset

1. 
   1
   Love yourself. Seriously -- loving yourself before you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is the easiest way to ensure that you'll be committing yourself to that person for the right reasons. You don't have to be 100% satisfied with yourself, but if you're unhappy with who you are, you're at risk of getting together with someone just because he or she makes you feel better about yourself.

   • In a sense, yes, the person you marry should "complete you," making you feel completely whole as a person -- but you should already love who you are and feel blessed that the person you want to be with makes you feel even better!
   • You should be happy with who you are, what you do, and how you look -- this will not only make it easier for you to attract people with your confidence, but it will make you look for an equally amazing person who will only make your life better, not the person who can fill in all of the gaps in your unsatisfactory life.
2. 
   2
   Be (reasonably) happy being alone. Let's face it -- being single when all of your friends are happily dating or married is no picnic. You may want love more than anything in the world, and it's natural for you to feel lonely or sad if you can't find it. But part of loving yourself is loving spending time solo, and finding ways to stay interested and excited about life without a significant other. This will make you feel even better when that special person comes along!

   • If you're miserable by yourself, then you will be too easily swayed by the first person who comes along and gives you something to do. Don't mistake companionship for love.
3. 
   3
   Get some experience. If you find your first love when you're sixteen, then you are a rare and lucky breed. However, most people do not in fact marry their first, or second, or even their fourth boyfriend or girlfriend. Dating more people lets you understand the endless ways that a relationship can work, and can make you see that there are so many forms and dynamics that a relationship can have.

   • Though you shouldn't ditch the person you love just to play the field, if you think you're just "pretty happy" with the person you're with but have never dated anyone else, it's better to see what's out there than to settle.
   • Dating a lot of people helps you learn to compromise, and will make you even more sure that what you feel for your future spouse is truly special.
   • Getting some sexual experience never hurt anyone either. If you've had a few partners before you've met your special someone, you'll be even more sure that the chemistry you share is truly special.
   • If you end up committing to the first person you've been with without being truly happy, you may spend the rest of your life wondering about what's out there.
4. 
   4
   Don't settle. Not settling is related to loving yourself, loving being alone, and having some experience. People settle all too often because they find someone who makes them feel less alone and loved, even if it's not in the right way. Another reason people settle is because they've been with the same person for five years and realize they "might as well" get married because that's what everyone else is doing or because they've been together for so long that it's the only logical step.

   • You should only get married because that's what you want, not because it's what the other person wants, because it's what your family wants, or because you're too scared to say goodbye.

Method 2

Know What You Want

1. 
   1
   Consider the qualities you want in a spouse. Though you may never know exactly who is the perfect fit for you until you lock eyes with that person and your world stops, you can definitely think about the qualities that you are most looking for in your future spouse. These qualities may be so important to you that you would have a hard time even considering a person who doesn't possess some of them. Here are some things to think about as you choose your future spouse:

   • Religion. If you're Jewish and want to marry Jewish, "stick with your own kind" since not everyone who wants to marry a Jew will convert to Judaism.
   • Family values. Are you dying to have five kids, or do you refuse to have children under any circumstances? Though people may change their minds more than you think, this is something to consider as you look for someone who shares your ideas (though you shouldn't talk about this right when you meet someone, obviously.)
   • Personality. Though you can't predict someone's personality in advance, there may be a few things that are a must for you. Do you have a killer sense of humor and absolutely need a person who shares your love for laughter? Are you naturally a bit nervous and need someone who is more laid-back to center you? Keep this in mind as you look for the perfect person for you.
   • Attitude toward relationships. Are you looking for someone who wants to spend every waking second with you, or do you want someone who really understands the meaning of "alone time"? This is more important than you think.
   • Social bearing. Do you want someone who is fun and has a ton of friends around, or a person who is more reserved with just a few close and loyal friends? If you're a social butterfly and your special someone is more of a wallflower, you can bring out his social side -- or it can be a problem.
   • Similar interests. Though the person you love probably shouldn't share all of your interests, or maybe not even many of them, you should still have a few interests that you both can share so you can keep your relationship going. If you're a novelist and your loved one refuses to read, or if you're a fitness instructor and he has never seen a gym, you may run out of things to talk about. But maybe not! This one is fluid.
2. 
   2
   Consider the qualities you don't want. The qualities you don't want in a future spouse can be just as important and decisive as the qualities you are looking for. As you start looking for your soul mate, you can think about the things that are absolute deal breakers that will make it impossible for you to get hitched no matter what. Here are some things to consider:

   • Lack of attraction. Physical attraction can grow, but it is not overrated. Though you may not want to rip off your husband's shirt fifty years -- or hey, a few years -- down the line, you should have a baseline of attraction that keeps things going. Even if the person fits the mold in all other aspects, sadly, you just can't force yourself to be attracted to someone.
   • Lack of agreement on something that really matters to you. If you're a die-hard tree-hugging liberal and he's obsessed with Mitt Romney, then you may have a problem. But you never know -- you can have fun disagreeing about some things. But if there's something that defines who you are that your future spouse absolutely doesn't understand, then you may have a problem.
   • Geographical incompatibility. You may have found the love of your life, but he may live in Hawaii. If you literally live a world apart and neither of you will move under any circumstances, it won't work.
3. 
   3
   Get ready to compromise (on some things). Though making a list of all the things you want and don't want can help you have a better sense of what will truly make you happy, the truth is that you won't ever be able to find the person who satisfies all of your needs -- and that's OK. The right person for you will be the one that makes you the most happy, and that person may even fulfill some needs that you didn't know you had.

   • Don't turn a person down because he doesn't meet all of your needs. This is unrealistic and being too picky won't get you very far.
   • Don't stay with a person if you know he doesn't meet the needs that really matter to you. Though you should be flexible, don't stay with a person if you know he won't give you what you want in the end.
   • Find a balance between finding a person that really makes you happy without sacrificing the things that really matter to you.

Method 3

Look in the Right Places

1. 
   1
   Ask your friends. Many couples meet because of mutual friends. Though it may seem unlikely, you may end up married to your friend's cousin or former roommate. You can be open to being set up by your friends, who will know your personality as well as the personality of the person they want to set you up with. Or you can just go to a gathering with one of your friends, who may have an idea of a certain single person there that would be perfect for you.

   • Don't be shy -- your friends know what makes you happy and can help you find that perfect person without being too obvious about it.
2. 
   2
   Find someone who shares your interests. Common interests can make a relationship thrive, so look out for any special people who share your interests, whether you lock eyes with a cute guy in your yoga class, notice someone cute reading your favorite book in a coffee shop, or if you really click with that girl in your grad school class. The common interest can be a launching point for an exciting relationship.

   • The common interest will also give you an easy opening for a fun first date; if you're both into something, you can just do that thing together and see where it goes.
3. 
   3
   Find someone at work -- without breaking any rules. It's a known fact that more people meet at work than they would admit. It makes sense: in a given day, you may spend more time with your coworkers than anyone else, and if you love what you do, then you and that person may have similar interests.

   • Though you shouldn't actively pursue your coworkers because that could be breaking your company code, if you really feel an attraction to someone in your workplace, be open to the possibility that this person could end up being really special -- as long as you follow company policy.
4. 
   4
   Find someone online. Online dating has become one of the easiest ways to meet your future spouse. Online dating sites help you narrow down your choices based on common interests and other important qualities, and people who join online dating sites tend to be more serious about committing for life. About 20% of current relationships started online, so don't be shy about joining the trend.^[1]

   • Even if you're squeamish about this option, just give it a chance. You can always end your membership if it doesn't work out.
5. 
   5
   Be open wherever you go. It's true: you really can meet your future husband at a loud, smelly, bar. Though it's less likely, the perfect person can come up to you at any time at all, so don't put your blinders up at the wrong time. Though you shouldn't be looking for your future husband at a company meeting or at a funeral, you should be open to the possibility that love can strike at almost any time. If you're receptive, then more people will be receptive to wanting to get to know you.

Method 4

Make Sure it Works

1. 
   1
   Make sure you're compatible. Compatibility is incredibly important. That special person may pass every future-spouse test with flying colors, but when you're together, you may find that there's just a lack of...something. Maybe you just don't really "get" each other; maybe you always end up bickering; maybe you just can't talk without running out of things to say after a few minutes. If you're not compatible, you're not compatible, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

   • Sexual attraction is different than compatibility -- it wears off. Compatibility means that your personalities really work well together, and that things just click for you more often than not.
2. 
   2
   Give it time. Though you may have been wanting to get married for twenty years, you shouldn't start running down the aisle after two weeks with the person you think is Mr. Right. Even if you just have "that feeling," it's very risky to marry someone you've known for just a few months, or even just a year. Give the relationship enough time to know that your feelings aren't just based on attraction, that you can get through some ups and downs together, and that you can really truly see a lifetime of happiness with that person.

   • You may think that you're absolutely sure after just a few months, but this won't give you enough time to test the relationship.
3. 
   3
   Make sure it's mutual. You may be absolutely gaga for your special someone, but you need to have the sense that he's feeling it too. Or -- you need to make sure that he's not crazy about you, while you're just feeling "pretty happy." Both of you shouldn't be crazy about each other and completely excited for the rest of your lives together to move on.
4. 
   4
   Make sure you can be yourself. Though marriage will naturally change two people as they become bonded more closely, make sure that the person you want to be with lets you truly be yourself instead of trying to be some ideal person. If your friends or family tell you you're not being yourself around that person, it's a bad sign. But you will know if you really can't be who you are around that person, because you'll feel yourself holding back.
5. 
   5
   Share the same long-term goals. You may love being with that person for a year or two, but you should make sure that you have the same vision of the future -- whether it's settling down in a nice house with two kids, or traveling the world and being nomads together. Though life is unpredictable and neither of you will be able to do exactly what you want, your visions of the future shouldn't be wildly different or you'll run into a lot of trouble.
6. 
   6
   Picture that person in your future. If you've really found your spouse, then you should be able to imagine being with that person for the rest of your life. That is probably a very long time, so make sure that you really mean that you want to see that person grow old, to have kids with that person (if that's what you both want), to support each other's careers or other pursuits, and to truly become life partners. "I do" means "I do want to be with you forever," not "I do want to be with you for a while."

   • If you really cannot imagine the rest of your life without that person, then congratulations -- you have found the right partner or spouse. Now have an incredible journey!

   For any inquiry, counseling, advise  and question, please comment on the comment box or send a mail to abrahamjohn4real@gmail.com. please be specific.