Communicate Biblical Truth

We must understand what God’s truth is, according to His Word, and then have the courage to proclaim it.  All too often we allow the “political correctness” of our society to prevent us from speaking the truth in love.
The articles below will help teach you how to communicate biblical truth. (Note:  Each article will open in a new browser window.  To return to this page after reading it, simply close the new window.)

The Power of Words

The positive use of our words does not imply a spineless person who has no opinions or takes no action. We are surrounded by responsibility for employees, fellow laborers, family members, and friends. The Bible makes it clear that hasty words, a fiery tongue, concealing your true thoughts, complaining, slandering, lying, and deceit, are unacceptable to God. (read more)

Click here or use the menu in the right column to continue on to the third step in Godly Leadership, “Counsel Using Biblical Standards.”

The Truth about Consequences

We do our children a great favor if we help them understand there are consequences for their actions … good and bad.
Distraught parents often come to me because their children are suffering the consequences of not being adequately supervised. Of course, teenagers do not want to be supervised, but oftentimes dire consequences will be the result of parents adhering to their children’s complaints and demands for more personal freedom in areas where they are unable to cope with temptation. Setting consequences for a child’s choices and then making them happen is a crucial part of teaching children. They must learn the principles expressed in Galatians 6:7: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”
This was particularly evident when a set of parents came in with their pregnant daughter.
“I told her she was seeing too much of that boy,” wails the mother, “but she wouldn’t listen. She would say, ‘Mother, don’t you trust me?’ I wanted to trust her, and look what happened.”
What happened? The normal consequences of allowing a young couple too much unsupervised freedom is what happened.
“What can I do?” pleaded another mother. “For an hour or two a night my daughter and her boyfriend sit in his parked car out in front of our house. She tells me there is no reason for me to be concerned, and she refuses to come in.”
“’Why are you so suspicious, Mother?’ she says. ‘You don’t need to worry about us.’”
If you ask me, the parents should do something. There is a basis for concern. Her daughter surely is not reviewing Bible verses night after night for an hour or two out there. We all know what goes on in a parked car in the dark. How do you get the daughter out of the car?
One possibility comes to mind. If all else fails, you go outside, open the car door, reach in, and help her out of the car.
“Won’t that embarrass her?” Yes, it will. But this is a consequence of defying you.
“Won’t she be angry?” She will be furious. But that’s her problem, not yours.
“What if she does not come home and parks somewhere else?” Then do not allow her to go. You may also need to deal with the boy and/or his parents.
Give her the supervision she thinks she does not need! Remember, this is your beloved daughter. The excitement of physical closeness at her age is too tempting for her to handle. She needs your supervision and your help. The boy also needs your supervision and his parents’ help. Ignoring your parental responsibility at this time will be allowing behavior that your child knows is risky and degrading.
In their teenage years, your children need your guidance and help most. They may not appreciate it now, but they definitely will when they realize five years from now that their lives were not sidetracked by a mistake they would not have been able to undo. Always keep in mind that children lack wisdom and self-control, so when parents leave them unsupervised, the children will be prone to make foolish choices.
Life will always bring some tough breaks and some good ones. Either way, we must make the most out of the consequences. Our job as parents is to point our children in the right direction. To do that, we need to plan consequences that will help them along the way. Some people call them rewards … or punishment. The consequences we give them today will prepare them to make the right choices that will lead to the right consequences tomorrow. Everyone makes choices and either enjoys or suffers the consequences of those choices.
Lecturing our children about consequences they cannot understand is futile, but we can teach them about cause and effect on their own levels by associating short-term consequences with acceptable or unacceptable behaviors. For example, the child may be told: If you do not study, you cannot go out to play. Or, if you practice hard enough, you will have a much better chance at making the team. Whenever it is possible, have the consequences be directly related to your child’s actions. If you allow your teen to use the car, and he brings it back in good shape and on time, you can be lavish with your praise. If the car is a mess when you get it back, your child may have to wash and vacuum out the car. If he comes home late, use of the car may be suspended for however long you deem is necessary. This will teach him that his choices have consequences that are directly related to his behavior.
Proverbs 29:17 says, “Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul.”
At times, parenting may feel like a mystery. Solving this mystery lies in responding to resistance, giving help, respecting each other, supervising activities, and setting and enforcing limits. You must have a plan and then throw all you have into following that plan … making sure the consequences for the child’s behavior are in place.
I once knew a couple that was having a real problem with their 13-year-old son. He was flunking in school, fighting with his teachers, sassing his parents, and fighting with kids in the neighborhood.
His parents tried everything. First, they ignored him. Then they praised him. Then they rewarded him. Then they reasoned with him, lectured him, and withheld privileges. Then they took his bike away, made him stay in the house, and eventually even spanked him (a 13-year-old!).
Nothing seemed to work. The parents kept after the boy–while they constantly showed real love and concern for the boy himself. They also prayed for patience and grace. This went on for six months and nothing seemed to change. Then, just as mysteriously as the behavior had begun, the boy began to change for the better.
In the past, the boy had been condemned and corrected by teachers, neighbors, and Sunday school teachers. Two years later, the same boy was a top student, on the soccer team, and praised and admired by his teachers, coaches, classmates, and neighbors.
This is a perfect picture of a dedicated, committed set of parents seeking to train a child in the way he should go. They realized it was 20-year process. Their concern was the process, not the immediate decisions and appearances of the moment. They had to relax, trust God, and act by faith.
Often when parents talk about their children who are in trouble, I ask them what they think they should have done differently. In nearly every case, if the parents had done what they thought they should have done, they would have done what I would have recommended.
Many parents do not have confidence in their own abilities. Rather than being paralyzed by fear and insecurity, they need to look to God’s Word as the sources and inspiration for their parenting. Then they need to trust their own instincts as they proceed with confident expectation of good results.
Remember, the primary goal is to train the children up in the way they should go. You have 20 years to mellow and mature. Pray that you will live your life in such a way that your children will grow up wanting to serve the GOD you serve. Parenthood requires an acceptance of the task, the desire to understand it, and the willingness to be as diligent in preparation and performance as the most accomplished artist, business person, or professional person.
Conflicts and problems will arise, but these can lead you to ever-higher levels of accomplishment as God demonstrates His power through the adversity. To identify problems and solve them is to find success. To cover them up or pretend they are not there is to experience defeat. Each parent must be ready and willing to fulfill his or her responsibility in any decision or task.
Guiding children implies a purpose and a goal. You need to know where you are going. You need to assume responsibility for influencing your children. Your influence for good, or for ill, will probably have more effect on the lives of your children than anything else they will encounter. You must work hard to make learning wholesome and effective for your children.

HOW TO LEAD GODLY

Lead by Biblical Principles

Whether leading in our own family, in ministry, or in business, it is crucial to establish Godly goals and pursue them using biblical wisdom.  Even when believers value the pursuit of personal transformation God’s way, unfortunately many will still default to the world’s methodologies for leadership.   Worldly wisdom can never produce the supernatural results that God desires.
The articles below will help teach you how to lead by biblical principles. (Note:  Each article will open in a new browser window.  To return to this page after reading it, simply close the new window.)

Managing People Effectively

As a leader, you need to walk in the Spirit, leading your people in the ways of the Spirit. Take lots of time to think, to read God’s Word, and to dream. Schedule “nothing” for a period of time, so that you are rested, clear-minded, and spiritually refreshed. Then you’ll be fired up and ready to share with your people a word that will turn the light on in their thinking and doing – something that will spur them on. (read more)

Patience in Managing

John Morgan was having trouble with the employees in his automobile repair garage. His mechanics would listen politely to an order; then not carry it through.
“Why, I bet I have to tell them three times before they fill out their repair tickets right or turn out a light they’re through using,” he raged.
Mr. Morgan had come to me from a sickbed. Every month or so he had to quit work. His stomach pained him; he was short of breath; he couldn’t eat. He would blow up at the garage and go home.  (read more)

Leadership Communication

Leadership and management involve making up your mind what you want people to do. Telling them what their job is. Telling them what constitutes satisfactory performance. Checking to see that it’s done. Recognizing quality work. Correcting poor work. Getting rid of the ones who don’t do it. Sometimes those tasks can be difficult, but they are required of leaders. (read more)

Qualities of Mature Leaders

What’s the attraction that draws people into a church? Is it an old-fashioned service, planned around formal routine, or is it a modern service with elements of spontaneity? What makes the difference? I believe it is not the style of the service, but what the preacher has to say.

Raise Godly Children

Children are a precious gift from God, and yet too often they find themselves in an environment of neglect, or even abuse within their own homes.  As they learn and grow, they are constantly bombarded with worldly influences that conflict with God’s Word.  The strongest influence on our children can be our own character.  Modeling godly behavior and a love for the Lord are vital while providing direction, boundaries, correction, love and encouragement to our children.
The articles below will help teach you how to raise godly children.  (Note:  Each article will open in a new browser window.  To return to this page after reading it, simply close the new window.)

Parents with Power

Ever wish you could make someone do the right thing? Parents often watch their children make bad decisions and feel powerless to do anything about it. Unfortunately, many just give in and put a “band-aid” on a situation by giving money instead of time, ignoring a situation instead of disciplining, or trying to be their child’s friend instead of their parent. The best way to love your child is to care enough to correct them when they need it. (read more)

Modeling Behavior for Children

How seriously do you take the Bible? If you read something about parent-child relations in the Bible that contradicts something you read in another book, which teaching do you accept as truth? (read more)

Honoring Parents

Do you and your partner agree on how to raise your children? If not, you may think you are experiencing a marriage problem because you can’t get together on this important issue. This can feel like a pretty hopeless situation. Often times your children have learned how to pit you against one another. By the time they get into their teens, those kids will be able to do what they please, because they will have learned how to manage you instead of you managing them.
(read more)

I’m Not Having Fun Yet!

Someone once said to me, “Don’t make parenting so difficult. Just relax and have fun! You don’t have to know everything in order to be a good parent.”
Being a parent starts out as a dream. Doting, expectant fathers and their pregnant wives dream about the sweet infant all cozy in pink or blue blankets with cute outfits and fun toys. With smiles in their eyes, they turn to each other and vow, “We’re going to be the best parents ever!”
Then the baby arrives. Suddenly the parents discover “the dream” yells. And smells. And spits. All at 3 a.m. (read more)

Discipline with Love and Conviction

God’s Word instructs us to love one another (1 Peter 1:22). Nearly every parent wants to give his or her children tender, loving, and sacrificial care that flows out of a heart of love; but even the most dedicated mother or father cannot do this unless God is the source of that love. This is because God is love, and as we walk in His love, it will flow to our children through us.
God does not leave us without guidance. In fact, the biblical standard for love is described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. It has fifteen components: suffers long, is kind, does not envy, does not parade itself, is not puffed up, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth, always bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (read more)

Setting Limits

In all athletic team competitions, the home and visiting teams and their corresponding fans all go by the same rules and boundaries. The rules are published in a book and knowledge of the rules is essential to understanding and playing the game. Making sure the players stay within the limits established by the rule book is the job of the officials. If a player breaks a rule, the referee penalizes the entire team. The player and his team must accept the consequences. The referee’s interpretation of the game is final.
The phrase football game tells us many things. The very name of the game determines the shape of the ball, the dimensions of the playing field, the rules of the game, and the type of clothes the players and officials wear.
The word family also tells us many things. Determined limits make a family unique. (read more)

The Truth about Consequences

We do our children a great favor if we help them understand there are consequences for their actions … good and bad.
Distraught parents often come to me because their children are suffering the consequences of not being adequately supervised. Of course, teenagers do not want to be supervised, but oftentimes dire consequences will be the result of parents adhering to their children’s complaints and demands for more personal freedom in areas where they are unable to cope with temptation. Setting consequences for a child’s choices and then making them happen is a crucial part of teaching children. They must learn the principles expressed in Galatians 6:7: “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.”

Overcoming Resentment

Amy was a widow–the consequence of a motorcycle accident. Her husband was killed instantly. It happened two years earlier, and she continued to grieve over the loss of her husband. He was fun-loving and outgoing. She missed his friendly, cheerful presence. She always looked forward to his coming home. They were best friends. There were no children. She now lives alone in the house they were buying. She works in the church office and loves her job. When the church doors are open, she is always there. But going home is hard and lonely. Some friends have suggested that she move out of the house and live somewhere else. Her house holds too many memories.
That statement caught my attention. What kind of memories? Isn’t it good to have happy memories? Is it possible that there are unhappy memories that crowd out the happy ones? I encouraged her to recall some unhappy memories toward the people who caused the accident that killed her husband.
She took me by surprise. Yes, there were unhappy memories. They centered around that motorcycle. She did not want him to buy it. In the first place, it was a strain on the budget. They could not afford a powerful motorcycle and a decent car–so they drove a ten-year-old car. They would go for long motorcycle rides in the evenings. He was a bit reckless, cutting in and out, going too fast. She hated those rides. He loved them. He insisted on riding the motorcycle to church. She despised showing up at church with her helmet and messed-up hair.
One night he proposed that they go for a ride. It was an ideal evening. She did not want to go. The discussion became heated, but she stood her ground. He went for a ride alone. A car went through a stop sign and hit him broadside. He died on the pavement.
How does she feel when she talks about this? It makes her mad. He left her with an old car, house payments, and even motorcycle payments. He was underinsured, which left her to pay off some debts. She hates writing those checks. If only he had listened to her, it would not have happened. Her thoughts are usually disapproval of his choices. She resents the position he left her in. Over and over, she reviews her grudge against him.
I could see another problem. But when to speak and when to wait is often difficult to discern. The Bible says, “Speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).
My heart went out to her. Was she ready for my opinion? What does she think I will say? She thinks I will tell her to quit resenting her husband. But she tells herself that she is entitled to resent him. I agree. Her husband left her in a mess. She can nurse her grudge against her husband as long as she wishes. But she must realize that she is punishing herself. As long as she holds her grudge, her life is anchored in the past. Over and over again she relives the agony of that day and nurses her resentment. She can be released from this bondage only if she is ready to let it go.
Jesus instructs us to forgive men their trespasses (Matthew 6:14) and to love one another (John 13:34), so I finally said, “One option you have is to forgive your husband, repent of your resentment, let the Lord forgive you, and then ask him to fill your heart with love.”
She was ready for that opportunity. I observed a miracle as she released her grudge, asked for forgiveness, and received the love of God in her heart. Immediately she was released from her burden, and now she is free.
Amy’s experience illustrates what happens when two problems coexist. One can overshadow the other. It seems reasonable that the tragic death of her husband would explain her misery. In this case however, it was the resentment that held the sting.

Resolve Anger

Anger and unforgiveness are a barrier to our relationship with the Lord and others.  Choosing to forgive and love others by faith, regardless of our feelings, is God’s desire.
The articles below will help teach you how to resolve anger. (Note:  Each article will open in a new browser window.  To return to this page after reading it, simply close the new window.)

Put Away Anger and Bitterness

Ephesians 4:31 instructs us to “let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you.” Maybe you struggle with some of these emotions, feeling you have a right to them because of how you’ve been treated.
But Ephesians goes on to say, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” Being kind and forgiving someone is extremely difficult when your feelings aren’t so loving! (read more)

How to Love by Faith

God loves you unconditionally. You are commanded to love others – God, your neighbors, your enemies. You are incapable of loving others in your own strength. You can love others with God’s love. (read more)
(Note: This link will take you to a Campus Crusade for Christ webpage in a new window. To return to Biblical Counseling Insights, simply close the new window.)

How to Deal with Your Anger

Anger is a universal problem. I have observed it in the primitive cannibals in Irian Jaya, uncivilized Indians in the remote jungles of Brazil, illiterate people in tiny villages deep in the forest of Zaire, my playmates when I was a child, in my parents, church members, pastors, highly educated people, the very rich, people in government, and yes, even in myself. Call it what you will: mad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, perturbed, ticked off – all of these words represent a form of anger.
You cannot decide to be angry. You can take elaborate precautions to avoid being angry. But, alas, sooner or later anger underneath your skin is triggered by a memory, someone’s behavior, a conversation, a phone call, or a letter. It can cause your heart to beat faster, make you sweat, tense up your muscles, foul up your digestive system, alter the way you think, dictate how you act, and trigger negative words from your mouth.
There seems to be universal agreement that anger must be tamed. Yet there is vast disagreement over the cause and the cure. (read more)

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

“It’s agonizing. Any gathering of people frightens me. In a traffic jam I feel like jumping out of the car and running away. I force myself to go to church and sit there with a feeling of suspense. Even a few customers lined up to buy something in my place of business frightens me. I feel trapped.”
The gentleman speaking was a college graduate and successful in business. He went on, “It started when we moved to an apartment. The people below us and beside us were noisy. We could hear their radios. They would drop things. Often another car was in my parking space. Finally, I insisted on moving to our own home. My wife wasn’t bothered at all by these things and she resisted our moving back to a home of our own, so now there is a wall building between us. (read more)

Overcoming Resentment

Amy was a widow – the consequence of a motorcycle accident. Her husband was killed instantly. It happened two years earlier, and she continued to grieve over the loss of her husband. He was fun-loving and outgoing. She missed his friendly, cheerful presence. She always looked forward to his coming home. They were best friends. There were no children. She now lives alone in the house they were buying. She works in the church office and loves her job. When the church doors are open, she is always there. But going home is hard and lonely. Some friends have suggested that she move out of the house and live somewhere else. Her house holds too many memories.

When Independence is Bad

Viola Walker was far from an avid angler, but she did go fishing with her husband, Louis, several times after they were married. Then, after three trips to the same trout stream and enduring her husband’s complaints that she scared the fish away, Viola gave up the fishing business.
Viola’s interest was community projects and current events. She became deeply involved in these activities. Then, after one fishing trip, Louis talked about a “genuine fisherwoman” who had been in their crowd, and Viola felt a pang of jealousy. And she was hurt when he said he couldn’t stay home to watch her debate the new expressway route on television because he was meeting his fishing friends, including “Lady Walton.”
Viola forgot her marital disappointment when the debate on TV waxed warm and the friendly argument continued over a pot of coffee in the studio lunchroom. She found it pleasant to be with men and women who kept their fingers on the day’s pulse, not wasting time playing water tag with a fish.
Gradually the Walker home became a neutral meeting place for two people whose worlds had spun into separate orbits. Neither bothered the other with the details of their lives, and each said it was nice that way.
One night Viola accused Louis of paying more attention to the lady angler than to the fish. He vigorously denied it.
“I believe we were married for keeps,” he said in our first interview. “But I do wish she’d take more interest in me.”
It had not occurred to him that he gave her interests no thought.
Viola had no desire for divorce, either. She recognized that she had allowed her activities to cover the emptiness of her life. Marriage to the Walkers had become a democratic institution in which each member felt free to maintain his independence.
In time, Viola and Louis came to see that if their marriage was to continue they would have to lose their independence in a union bigger than either of them. They found ways to spend time together. It is the principle of Matthew 16:25 applied to marriage: “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it.”

Build a Healthy Marriage

Most marriage difficulties are rooted in personal problems.  Self-centeredness, competition and irresponsibility can threaten the foundation of any marriage.  “Marriage God’s Way” includes sacrifice, cooperation and commitment. The articles below will help teach you how to build a healthy marriage.  (Note:  Each article will open in a new browser window.  To return to this page after reading it, simply close the new window.)

Building Harmony in Marriage

Those who proceed into marriage with an individualistic mindset create disharmony in their relationship, and usually end up lonely and unhappy. (read more)

Are You and Your Spouse Not Getting Along?

The foundation upon which you build your marriage relationship is a mutually agreeable and mutually binding plan. That’s what makes marriage successful. It’s not a “tingle”; it’s a life-time commitment. It’s not competition; it’s cooperation. (read more)

A Solid Foundation

“I want to be a better spouse.” You say this, thinking back over a multitude of incidents that make up the history of your family. Some of them were funny when they happened; others are funny only as we look back on them. Still others were serious. Some were puzzling. (read more)

Who is the Leader?

“Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) There it is. One of the most fiercely debated Bible verses concerning marriage. “Why should the wife do all the submitting?” That is the hot question. But here is the greater truth, the wife is not the one who needs to do all the submitting … this verse does not stand alone. (read more)

Marriage God’s Way

“… present yourselves to God …” (Romans 6:13). Sometimes it seems as though a long-lasting marriage is determined by chance or circumstances or just plain old luck. However, there are some steps that will enable you to establish your marriage on a solid foundation that will help you stay in it for the long haul. (read more)

Good Communication

The secret of getting along in marriage lies in two people applying the principle embodied in this verse from the Bible: “And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise” (Luke 6:31). This is a workable formula! And amazingly, it is easier to carry out than to trying to figure out the other person. (read more)

The Need for Forgiveness

Neither Frank nor Kate Bonner really wanted to break up their home, yet they were heading in that direction–fast! After 23 years of marriage, Frank had become interested in a younger woman in his office. Kate said she could see why. Kate’s hair was gray, her hands showed the years of housework she had done, her face was lined with the wrinkles of middle age. She was tired much of the time and was subject to frequent and sudden illnesses. (read more)

It’s the Little Things

Everything seemed in their favor when George and Ellie got married. He was a research chemist with a good income, they bought a nice house, were active in the church, and popular with their friends. But in a few weeks this young couple was in my office seeking help. Their story went like this. George came home one night and was greeted as usual in the living room with a tender kiss. But as he held Ellie in his arms, his eyes wandered to a corner of the room and he saw hanging from the ceiling a long, wavy cobweb. He said nothing about it that night, or the next, but both times while maintaining a pleasant appearance, he said to himself in disgust, “What kind of a woman did I marry that she can’t keep her house clean?” (read more)

The Need for Respect

“I’ll post those receipts the way you say to, Ken, but Mr. Roland never had me do them that way,” said Margaret Lowe to her husband in their insurance office. “Mr. Roland … it’s always ‘Mr. Roland did this’ or ‘Mr. Roland didn’t do that’” he snapped. “Don’t forget, Ken,” Margaret said, “Mr. Roland was successful enough to sell out at 50 and move to Florida.” “And when I’m 65, I’ll still be struggling to complete the down payment on the business. You might as well add that,” he growled. For ten years, Margaret had admired Mr. Roland’s keen business sense. When Kenneth Lowe joined Mr. Roland’s sales force, Margaret thought she saw the same qualities in the new employee and she accepted his proposal of marriage after a rather hurried courtship. Then in those first few months of living together she found she didn’t know Ken as well as she had thought. (read more)

Great Expectations

Todd Turner was in trouble: for the third time, his wife had threatened to leave him, and this time she meant it. And all over a dog—or so Todd said. Todd was away from home much of the time and had bought Tracy a dog for company before the birth of their first child. After the baby’s arrival, Todd wanted to get rid of the dog. “If the dog goes, I go, too,” Tracy warned. “All right, go ahead,” he told her. And so they separated. (read more)

When Independence is Bad

Viola Walker was far from an avid angler, but she did go fishing with her husband, Louis, several times after they were married. Then, after three trips to the same trout steam and enduring her husband’s complaints that she scared the fish away, Viola gave up the fishing business. Viola’s interest was community projects and current events. She became deeply involved in these activities. Then, after one fishing trip, Louis talked about a “genuine fisherwoman” who had been in their crowd, and Viola felt a pang of jealousy. And she was hurt when he said he couldn’t stay home to watch her debate the new expressway route on television because he was meeting his fishing friends, including

How To Apply For UNILORIN JUPEB Admission for 2017/2018 Academic Session

UNILORIN JUPEB Admission Form Is Out – 2017/2018

By mcmedal001 · Last Updated on June 22, 2017

University of Ilorin, UNILORIN JUPEB admission application form for the 2017/2018 academic session to gain admission directly into 200 level is out.

The sales of admission form into UNILORIN’s Joint Universities Preliminary Examinations Board (JUPEB) Programme for the session was made known on the University web portal.

JUPEB is responsible for conducting common and standard examinations for candidates who have been exposed to a minimum of one-year approved learning in the University and are seeking Direct Entry admissions into 200 level in Nigerian and partnering Foreign Universities.

UNILORIN JUPEB Admission Requirements

Applications are hereby invited for admission into THE UNIVERSITY OF ILORIN JUPEB PROGRAMME via Unilorin JUPEB Portal – https://uiljupeb.unilorin.edu.ng/
Applicants must possess credits in at least five (5) relevant O’Level subjects (which must include English Language, Mathematics and any other three O’Level subjects) in WASC/SSCE, NECO, NABTEB and its equivalents, in not more than two sittings. Candidates with awaiting results may also apply.

University of Ilorin JUPEB Programme Subjects Combinations for Admission

Applicants are to register for a combination of 3 subjects out of 16 subjects according to their proposed course of study in the University of Ilorin.

S/No	SUBJECT COMBINATION
1.	Biology, Chemistry, Physics
2.	Agricultural Sciences, Chemistry, Physics
3.	Economics, Government, Literature in English
4.	Government, Literature in English, Islamic Religious Studies
5.	Business Management, Economics, Government
6.	Literature in English, Economics, Yoruba
7.	Literature in English, Economics, Music
8.	Literature in English, Economics, History
9.	Economics, Geography, Literature-in-English
10.	Economics, Geography, Mathematics
11.	Government, Mathematics, Physics
12.	Government, Literature-in-English, Christian Religious Studies
13.	Chemistry, Physics, Mathematics
14.	Mathematics, Physics, Geography
15.	Chemistry, Physics, Economics
16.	Literature-in-English, Economics, Christian Religious Studies
17.	Accounting, Economics, Geography
18.	Accounting, Economics, Government
19.	Christian Religious Studies, Government, Economics
20.	Islamic Religious Studies, Government, Economics
21.	Economics, Government, Mathematics
22.	Business Studies, Economics, Geography

How To Apply For UNILORIN JUPEB Admission for 2017/2018 Academic Session

Follow the application steps below to get started.
APPLICATION STEPS

1. Visit the University of Ilorin website (unilorin.edu.ng) to access the JUPEB portal
2. Note: you are expected to have a valid e-mail address and phone number
3. Sign up: Fill the “sign up registration form”
4. Account Confirmation: confirm your account via the email sent to your inbox.
5. Login to your account
6. Online application Payment : Pay a sum of N25, 000 for your application
7. Complete the Bio-Data form

Candidates should check the website from time to time for the actual date of the entrance examination and other relevant information.

How to Be Happy with Yourself The Secret of Happiness

How to Be Happy with Yourself

The Secret of Happiness

Are you often less than fully happy with your life? or with yourself? Do you wonder what it would take to become happier? Learn how to be happy with yourself by mastering the secret of happiness.

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Is there a single true secret of happiness? Maybe. There are a number of important factors in your happiness - your happiness with life, and your happiness with yourself. Here are some of the most important choices you can make to live a happier - or less happy - life. The single most important key to your happiness - perhaps THE secret of happiness - is listed last.
Have a Purpose
If a man does not know what port he is steering for, no wind is favorable to him.
- Seneca
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
Your life doesn't have a purpose until you choose your life purpose. So make that choice, and choose well. There is a very high correlation between lives of high purpose and joyful lives. There is also a high correlation between lives without purpose and unhappy lives. Create purpose in your life not as a moral dictum, but as a key element of a happy life.
Take Action - Be Bold
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it.
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, Begin it now.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A life lived in fear is a life half lived.
- Anonymous
Life isn't about finding yourself.
Life is about creating yourself.
- George Bernard Shaw
Once you know where you are going, get started. A life of action is almost always happier than a life of procrastination and inaction. Even if you are unsure about what to do next, do the best you can. Make some progress every day, and celebrate even your smallest accomplishments.
Honor Yourself - Love Yourself as You Are
To thine own self be true.
- William Shakespeare
Outer show is a poor substitute for inner worth.
- Aesop
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Honor, self respect, and self love are crucial to your happiness. Don't confuse these essential attributes with pride - in the biblical sense of pride. You have to respect and love yourself in order to stand any chance for a happy life. You are perfect exactly as you are - whatever anyone else may say about you. If you sometimes choose to make changes in how you live, great. But you never have to change anything in order to be a perfect person - a perfect creation.
Forgive Others
Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.
- Paul Boese
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
- A Course In Miracles
Holding on to resentments, anger, and hatred only hurts yourself - and robs your life of its joy and happiness. For your own sake - for the sake of your happiness - forgive everyone for everything that they have ever done - or failed to do - that caused you pain or upset.
It is sometimes very hard to forgive, but total unconditional forgiveness is one of the great keys to your own happiness.
Forgive Yourself
Regret is an appalling waste of energy,
you can't build on it -
it's only good for wallowing in.
- Katherine Mansfield
What's done is done.
- William Shakespeare
Live with intention...
Choose with no regret...
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Why throw away your happiness on regret, guilt, or shame? Change the rules. Where did you get the idea that regret, guilt, or shame was a good or noble thing? Did your parents tell you that you were guilty and should be ashamed? Well, shame on them. How about your church? Wherever you got the idea that regret was a good thing, change the rules now.
Always do your best - your very best - every time. But after it is over, let it be done - whatever the outcome. Learn lessons from your failures, but never label yourself as a failure. Forgive yourself for everything you have ever done - or failed to do - that didn't work out the way you intended.
Have Gratitude for All of Life
Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.
- Melody Beattie
Life is neither perfectly great nor perfectly awful - life just is. We can choose to complain about life's seeming imperfections - from the long line in the bank, to the slow commute, the driver that cut us off, the pain in our knee, the overdue bills, our bossy boss. That is certainly one way to live - it's not wrong to live that way, but there is no joy in living with that attitude toward life.
We also have the choice of celebrating life - all of life. We can be profoundly grateful for everything we have. However little we have, it is so much more than nothing. Our very existence is a daily miracle which deserves constant gratitude.
Make the choice to be constantly grateful for all of life, not because you are supposed to be grateful, but because you will live a much happier life if you have a grateful attitude.
Be of Service to Others
Life's most persistent and urgent question is,
"What are you doing for others?"
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.
If you want to be happy, practice compassion.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama
The wise man does not lay up his own treasures.
The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own.
- Lao Tzu
When we quit thinking primarily about ourselves and our own self-preservation,
we undergo a truly heroic transformation of consciousness.
- Joseph Campbell
What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us;
what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal.
- Albert Pike
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.
- Mother Teresa
Of all the keys to happiness, Service to Others is the big one - perhaps THE secret of happiness. Without purpose we have no reason to live. Without taking action on that purpose we are impotent. What is the characteristic of a life purpose that creates satisfaction with life and genuine lasting happiness? - Being of Service to others.
There are many ways to be of service - and they are all wonderful as long as they are sincere. Being of service can be raising children with love, caring for an ill relative, volunteering with the Red Cross, or it can be developing a new pharmaceutical or even selling a product that you truly believe will greatly help people. Being of service is the attitude rather than the action. One could be a physician for the money, or one could dig graves as a service to others. Note that being of service is completely different from attempting to please everyone - which is foolish and a path to great unhappiness.
Being of service allows us to live a larger life, to live beyond ourselves, to leave a lasting legacy.
Consider including service as a key element of your statement of life purpose, and taking action on that purpose. You will be happier for it.

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What is Love? What is the Nature of True Love?

What is Love?

What is the Nature of True Love?

What is Love? Love is a feeling of affection toward someone or something. We can love our comfortable old bathrobe, we can love God, we can love all of humanity, and we can love our Grandmother. All true love is wonderful, but let's focus here on the feeling of love by one specific person for another specific person. Even so, our love for our spouse is very different from our love for our child, our parent, our friend, or our love for the homeless person we pass a dollar bill to at the corner.
You know you love someone when you know you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous
Real love is never a selfish emotion. If you want something from someone - especially if that something is sex - what you are feeling is not love. The wonderful quote above provides an infallible test for love. True love is about wanting happiness for the person you love - and not about seeking happiness for yourself. Fortunately, in most cases our own loving presence is the greatest gift we can give to a person we love. Nonetheless, the litmus test of love is knowing we would choose never to see that person again if we believed that distance would bring them greater happiness.

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Real love is not possessive or exclusive. When we love someone, we want everyone to love them - we want them to live in the glow of loving and being loved by everyone. If you find the previous sentence challenging, please remember that true love is not sex or lust, and focus on the vital importance of keeping those concepts separate.
Lord, grant that I might not so much seek to be loved as to love.
- St. Francis of Assisi
True love is never conditional. One can never say, "I'll love you, if you love me." That would describe some desperate bargain, but nothing approaching real love could be a part of it. True love is not diminished by circumstances. Can you imagine loving someone less because they broke a leg? Got an infection? Lost their job? A love that depends upon the talents and capabilities of the other is conditional, and not real love.
The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller
The truest love cannot be explained. If one were to say, "I love her because she is beautiful," or "I love him because he is handsome," one would be describing conditional love. The implication is that if the other suffered an accident that scarred their face, the love would end - the very definition of conditional love.
Love me when I least deserve it, because that is when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb
True love is generous. It is strengthened, rather than weakened, by adversity. In times of trouble, real love shines and sustains both those who love and those who are loved.
The magic words for a great relationship are, "I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A long-running off-Broadway musical comedy has the title "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change." That title wonderfully summarizes one of the most rampant and destructive tendencies of romantic relationships. Thinking that you would love someone even more if they would only remember to take out the trash, or would enjoy fishing with you, is another form of conditional love.
When you truly love someone, you love them exactly the way they are today - and exactly the way they turn out tomorrow, even if they have a disfiguring accident.
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud. It does not dishonor others,
It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
- Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
What is love? Love is generous. Love is kind. Love holds no conditions - there is no "because" for true love. Love is a miraculous gift to the one who loves and the one who is loved.
Here are more quotes that help answer the question "What is Love?" ...
Where there is great love there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.
- Erich Fromm
Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love.
The real miracle is the love that inspires them.
In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle.
- A Course in Miracles
Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it.
Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it.
Hatred darkens life; love illumines it.
- Martin Luther King Jr.
Lovers embrace that which is between them rather than each other.
- Khalil Gibran
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
- Elie Wiesel
Love that does not renew itself every day becomes a habit and in turn a slavery.
- Khalil Gibran
If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
- Richard Bach
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is saying "I feel differently," instead of "You're wrong."
- Anonymous
Every good relationship, especially marriage, is based on respect. If it's not based on respect, nothing that appears to be good will last very long.
- Amy Grant
I love you more than yesterday, less than tomorrow.
- Edmond Rostand
What we have once enjoyed we can never lose.
All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.
- Helen Keller
Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends.
- Harville Hendrix
There is no remedy for love but to love more.
- Henry David Thoreau
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
- Khalil Gibran
As we light a path for others, we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
True love has no limits.
- Anonymous
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.
- Khalil Gibran
Love is not a mere sentiment.
Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tag
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What Can Christopher Columbus Teach Us Today?

Like Columbus, follow your dream, and don't settle for less.

Let's take a step back in time and meet Christopher Columbus.
We know of Christopher Columbus today, 500 years after he lived, because he had a Dream, Charted a Course, and Boldly Set Sail.
Christopher Columbus is, and was, a man of very mixed reputation. While generations of American schoolchildren were taught to idolize him for "discovering" their country, more recently he is noted for being the first to bring to America various infections that killed tens of millions of Native Americans, and also for introducing the European version of the practice of slavery.
In his own time, Christopher Columbus had great difficulty in persuading anyone with financial resources to fund his "crazy" idea of sailing to the Indies (that is, Southeast Asia) to trade for spices. Columbus had no idea that anything but open water existed between Europe and Asia to the west.
Columbus would be no more than a tiny footnote to history except that he made two enormous miscalculations that exactly counterbalanced each other. In preparing plans for a trip to Asia, Columbus' arithmetic was faulty, and he severely miscalculated the circumference of the earth. His calculations indicated that the earth was much smaller than it actually is, and that a sailing ship could carry enough provisions to sail westward from Europe to Asia.
If Columbus had calculated correctly, he would have determined that his ships could not carry enough food to sustain a voyage from Europe to Asia and he would never have set sail. As an aside, several potential patrons turned down the idea of funding Columbus' expedition after their own mathematicians recognized Columbus' erroneous calculation.
Columbus' other enormous miscalculation, of course, is that the American continents were between Europe and Asia. By pure random chance, Columbus reached America exactly the distance from Europe that he expected to reach Asia, and just before his food ran out. If there had been, as Columbus believed, no land between Europe and Asia, Columbus and all his men would have starved long before they reached Asia.
What does the story of Columbus teach us today?
Like Columbus, we have Dreams that run through our head like full color movies, pleading with us to take action.
Like Columbus, we have many people telling us that our dreams are "crazy," and we should settle for less.
Like Columbus we are unable to anticipate what the future will bring, and what the consequences of taking action on our Dreams might be.
Will we, like Columbus, chart the best course we are able, given the information we have access to at the time, and set sail? Or will we trash our Dreams into the box labeled "fantasy discard pile," and return to doing what others expect of us?
Stand tall, breathe deep, and Choose today to chart the course that will transform your Dream into reality.
[the above is taken from my Regaining Your Happiness in Seven Weeks training program]

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Thank you for reading What Can Christopher Columbus Teach Us Today?

How to create success in your career

How to be Successful in Business

How to create success in your career

This is my personal perspective on success in business. I worked for 35 years at a succession of innovative start-up software and electronics companies in Boston and in California's Silicon Valley. I had titles including Senior Vice President of Product Development. In 2000, one of my companies was acquired for enough money for me to retire. Along the way, I had a lot of fun in my career - along with a few bad times. And I learned a lot of life lessons the hard way.
Success is very personal. No single formula fits everyone. Please read the following with the idea of looking for one tip that you may be able to apply to your life, rather than expecting to find a ready-made formula for success in your career.
1. Do What You Love and Love What You Do
Success is not the key to happiness.
Happiness is the key to success.
If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
- Albert Schweitzer
People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.
- Dale Carnegie
Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.
- Confucius
If you hate your job, you aren't going to please your boss or your customers, so you aren't going to succeed in the long run. In a perfect world, each of us would have a job doing what we most enjoy doing - for example writing or testing video games if that is what you love. At the very least, choose a career that matches your strongest preferences and abilities. If you hate dealing with complaints, don't work in customer service. If you want some room to be innovative, choose a smaller company. If you love being outdoors and working with your hands, don't confine yourself with a desk job. Be flexible, but remember that you won't be successful in a job you hate, and more important, you will have spent your life in unnecessary misery.
2. Don't Expect Overnight Success
It takes 20 years to make an overnight success.
- Eddie Cantor
Success - that is to say recognition and financial reward - may come upon one suddenly, but it is usually the result of years of preparation. I got financial reward "overnight" when my company was acquired - but only after years of work and repeated failures. Susan Boyle, the enthralling singer who was discovered "overnight" on Britain's Got Talent, had worked at perfecting her singing for decades.
3. Be of Real Service to Others, and Success Will Come to You
The man who is successful is the man who is useful.
- Bourke Cockran
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Truly make the lives of your customers better, and you are almost certain to be well rewarded financially in the long run. Moreover, you will feel good about yourself and your efforts - which is even more important.
4. Balance Persistence with Attentive Observation and Change
I do not think that there is any other quality so essential
to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance.
- John D. Rockefeller
The majority of men meet with failure because of their lack of persistence
in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail.
- Napoleon Hill
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
- Albert Einstein (attributed)
There is a fine line between perseverance and insanity. At what point have you tried your best, and it's time to do something different? It's a balance - a paradox. If you get in the habit of giving up as soon as something gets difficult, you will never be a success in business, but if you keep tilting at windmills - madly trying the same thing again and again, you will also fail.
Always be watchful for changes in competition, customer expectations, available technology, or other circumstances, that require, or offer the opportunity, for you to approach a problem from a new and better perspective. The best buggy-whip manufacturer could not succeed in an automobile-world. The best mini-computer manufacturer could not succeed in a personal-computer-world.
5. Think for Yourself
Always listen to the experts.
They'll tell you what can't be done and why.
Then do it.
- Robert Heinlein
You can never become successful as a cog in some corporate machine. Even the biggest and most staid companies reward innovation and creativity. But never tell others that they are wrong or stupid. Introduce your new ideas with tact and diplomacy.
6. Never Stop Learning
Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation there is sure to be failure.
- Confucius
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Read, study, learn from others, and learn from the hard lessons of life. Keep refining and practicing what worked well. Change what hasn't worked well.
7. Roll with the Punches
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
- Japanese Proverb
If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.
Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan
Never give up. You will get knocked down many times in your career. It is your job to get up, shake yourself off, learn another lesson, and return to the challenge.
8. Be a Leader - Whether You are in Management or Not
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.
- Peter Drucker
When we step on the battlefield, I will be
The First Boots On and the Last Boots Off.
- LtG. Hal Moore
Everyone who is successful is a leader in their own way - whether leading in innovation, in encouraging co-workers, or in management.
9. Treat Customers and Co-workers with Respect
Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation.
- Dale Carnegie
You can't be successful unless you are respected, and you won't be respected unless you show respect for others.
10. Have Faith in Yourself, and in Your Successful Future
The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Those who believe they can do something,
and those who believe they can't,
are both right.
- Henry Ford
Visualize your end result as having already been accomplished.
Let the image of your success play on the giant screen
in full color with surround sound - so real you can smell and taste it.
- jlh
Success begins with believing that you are a success. That belief is not sufficient, but it is a necessary beginning to becoming a success in business.

How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People

You think of yourself as a basically happy person. You try to make an effort to stay positive. But the people you work with are so negative. Or, the people in your family are so negative. Now what? How can you keep your positive attitude even when surrounded by all that negativity?
Try some of the following tips for staying positive even when surrounded by people who have a negative outlook on life. Some of these tips are ideas for reducing the negativity while other tips help you to calmly accept your circumstances. The suggestions include both concrete actions you can take, and ways you can change your attitude to accommodate your environment.
1. First attempt to understand what you are really up against. Observe, as dispassionately as possible, what is actually happening, and examine the interpretation you are placing on what you see. What are the words, the actions, the tone of voice, the facial expressions? What emotions do you sense behind the words and actions? Are you sure? While negative words and actions are always unpleasant to be around, it is helpful to distinguish among those cases in which someone has simply fallen into the bad habit of negative talk, times when they have brought a past upset into the present, and the most difficult moments when they are actively hostile to the current situation.
2. Assume the best about the intentions of those around you. Unless you have facts to prove otherwise, assume that the negative talk is simply the bad habit of complaining.
3. Don't take it personally. Even when negative talk is directed toward you, don't take it personally. Negativity is basically selfishness, and their selfishness is about them, not about you. Yes, this is very difficult to put into practice. When you are the target of the other person's complaints, and especially their sarcasm, it is very hard not to take it personally. Try, however, to remain objective and assess whether their is any rational basis for the criticism. When the criticism is unfounded, know that the other person is simply venting their own pent up hostility in your direction, and don't take it personally.
4. Have compassion for negative people. While it is unpleasant to be around negative people, it is far more unpleasant to be an negative person. Each of these people is highly troubled. They perceive themselves as victims of hostile life forces beyond their control. They feel helpless and afraid. The most belligerent of them are the most fearful, paranoid actually, despite their outward bluster. Anger is always an expression of fear and perceived vulnerability.
5. If it is compatible with your belief systems, hold a White Light of peace around each person who troubles you, or say a silent prayer for them. Perhaps light a candle for their spirit. Intend that they find their own happiness. Do this as an act of compassion and generosity, and not as an attempt to alter their behavior for your own benefit.
6. Forgive them. Forgive them for everything they have ever done that has been difficult for you. Then forgive them again and again for each new bit of gossip, sarcasm, or anger.
7. Have gratitude for what is positive. No person or situation is 100% negative. Have gratitude for everything that is positive. Make a list of everything that is positive about the person or situation. Keep writing until you have compiled a meaningful list. Then give thanks for all that is positive.
8. Consider how you can cheer up the negative person. Can you compliment a co-worker on a task well done? Even give them a note of appreciation or a gold star? Inquire about their family? Be supportive of their troubles without either agreeing or offering suggestions? However, if your attempts to befriend someone create more hostility, Stop. You tried, and there is no point in doing anything to annoy them further.
9. If all your attempts to create an uplifting connection with the negative person fail, establish your own boundaries and create your own happiness within your own personal space. Visualize yourself encased in an invisible protective "egg" that surrounds your body and enhances the positive while keeping the negative elements out. Create your own private world of joy. Be clear that while this approach works well when applied with co-workers, a job, extended family, or others you interact with occasionally, it is no way to live your whole life.
10. Balance the negative aspects of your life with more powerful positive aspects. If your job is filled with negative influences, it is all the more important that your family life be positive. If your extended family is negative, it is crucial that your intimate relationship be positive. If your relationship with your spouse is negative, seek to have every other influence in your life be exceedingly positive. Seek out new positive opportunities. Cultivate friends with positive attitudes. Join groups that are populated by very positive people.
11. Remember that you can choose to end any relationship. You can choose to quit your job, get a divorce, resign from the community group or church, distance yourself from negative friends or extended family, even minimize contact with parents or grown children. Of course there are consequences, but you always do have a choice. You can make the trade-off of costs and benefits and make your own decision. Seriously consider ending any job or other relationship which is harming your physical or emotional health. Any alternative is better than being sick and miserable. If you do decide to keep yourself in an unpleasant situation, remember that each day you again have the option to remove yourself if you choose. Let the knowledge that you always have a choice empower you to meet one more day in a negative situation by radiating, and basking in, your own positive energy.

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Thank you for reading How to Keep a Positive Attitude and Stay Positive Around Negative People.

How to Make a Decision You Won't Regret

by Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is all about making decisions - choices. Here are some thoughts on the process of making a decision on any subject that may help you to stress less, and seldom regret your decision.
1. Question Your Question
Carefully consider whether the question you are trying to decide is actually the best question before you invest much energy in the answer.
The easiest ways to modify your question are to make it either broader or more specific, so begin with those. As an example, suppose I am trying to decide whether to buy a new car or a used car. Broadening the question might be to ask how to best address all my transportation needs, and to consider less mainstream options such as taking public transportation during the week and renting a car on the weekends. Narrowing the question might be to begin by asking how much I can afford to spend on a car.
More challenging, but potentially even more fruitful, is to examine your original question, and attempt to look at it from different perspectives. Ask yourself why this question needs to be answered. Repeat, until you have identified the root question. Then either take the root question as the one to be decided, or let the root question suggest another question that really does require a decision.
To continue with the example of buying a car, you may observe that your current vehicle has been in the shop a lot lately, causing you cost and inconvenience. So you might consider the root question to be, "how can I best get convenient, reliable, low-cost transportation?" But you are probably also concerned with comfort, and prestige, and other issues. There is no easy formula for determining the optimum question to be addressed, but you are much more likely to make a decision you don't regret if you take time to refine your question first.
Remember that even the best answer to the wrong question is not useful.
2. Consider the Importance of the Decision
Allocate time to making a decision proportional to its importance. Invest time in deciding who to marry, even if the decision appears obvious. Don't invest much time in deciding which gas station to use - your time is much more valuable than a couple of cents per gallon.
Ask yourself about the consequences of making a non-optimal decision. If the consequences are minimal, make a quick decision and move on. If the consequences would be lifelong, take the time to consider the question from many perspectives, and consider many alternatives - including unconventional ones.
3. Look for Information and Opinions, But Accept the Final Responsibility
If this is an important decision, do research and ask people you respect. But remember that only you bear the consequences of the decision, and only you have the responsibility to make the decision.
It is easy for a friend to say you should get married, or divorced, or to buy a new car. That friend doesn't have to live with the consequences of the decision.
4. Write It Down
Don't try to make important decisions in your head.
Do the "question your question" exercise above with paper and pencil.
When you have chosen the best question, write it at the top of a blank sheet of paper.
Down the left side, write all the possible decisions you could make. Write everything that comes into your mind.
Across the top, write the criteria for the decision - how you will judge whether it is a good decision.
Draw lines to make a grid of possible decisions and criteria.
Rate each possible decision on each criteria.
Using the example question, "how should I get to work," the possible decisions would include car, public transportation, bicycle, and car pool. The criteria would include cost, time, and comfort.
Use the sheet to get a sense of how the potential decisions rank. Then make a second sheet that includes only the more likely alternatives, and only the more important criteria.
Now you have a concise statement of the problem to wrap your mind around.
5. Don't Second Guess Yourself
For important decisions, take your time and use the tools above to make your decision. Then focus all your energy on implementing the decision you chose. Don't waste time and energy looking back and second guessing yourself.

How to Feel Better About Yourself

How to Feel Good About Yourself

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland

Learn how to feel good about yourself. Live a joyful and stress-free life. Feel better about yourself. Love your life.

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Do you feel you are "not good enough," or just not feel good about yourself, and want to feel better about yourself?
Feeling "not good enough" is almost always the result of comparing yourself with some unrealistic ideal. Either you are responding to hostile criticism - probably from someone you are close to, such as a parent - or you are comparing yourself with other people or with your idealized image of what you "should" be.
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone.
- Bill Cosby
Who are you trying to please? A compulsion to please someone may be unconscious, but stop to consider the question for a moment. If you are trying to please someone who you first met as an adult, ask yourself what power they hold over you, and what is the worst that could happen if you lived your own life instead. Compare the momentary benefit of pleasing them with the lifelong freedom and good feeling of being your own person.
Are you still subconsciously trying to please your parents? If you ever imagine a parent's frown or stern reprimand when you do something or fail to do something, you are still subconsciously being your younger self trying to please your parents. If you ever feel that you are unworthy or inadequate in the eyes of your parents, concentrate on remembering that you are an adult now - responsible for your own goals and aspirations for your life, as well as your own thoughts, your own choices, and your own actions. You no longer have any obligation to accommodate your parents' desire to direct your life.
Comparisons are odious.
- Old English Saying
Who do you think you should be "as good as?" Perhaps you have this subconscious feeling about your next door neighbor, a friend, an in-law, a co-worker, or your boss. Be grateful that you are you. That person you are jealous of is probably jealous of you for something you have and they do not. There is no standard which you need to live up to except your own choice of life path and goals. Don't let comparison with someone else make you feel unworthy or inadequate.
Be Your Own Self
Always be a first-rate version of yourself,
instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.
- Judy Garland
Set your life purpose, establish your values, make your own choices, begin your own projects, allocate your time, energy, money, and emotional commitment as you choose. Don't waste your life by trying to imitate anyone else or by attempting to please everyone.
Focus on Your Inner Beauty
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful,
we must carry it with us or we find it not.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do you feel badly about your body image? True beauty is on the inside. Moreover, even physical beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone criticizes your physical appearance, spend less time with them, and choose to spend more time with those who appreciate you.
Be Generous, Kind, and Compassionate
The wise man does not lay up his own treasures.
The more he gives to others, the more he has for his own.
- Lao Tzu
It is virtually impossible to feel good about yourself if you focus all your energies on yourself. To feel good about yourself, be kind and compassionate to others. Be of service to others. One of the many rewards of being of service to those less fortunate is to feel good about yourself.
Release All Anger, Resentments, and Hatred
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha
You can't feel good about yourself while you are holding anger and resentment towards others. To feel better about yourself, choose to release all your anger and resentment. Yes, it is a choice - you can free yourself from anger and resentment by making the choice to forgive everyone for everything. Forget "justice," and especially forget revenge. Do this forgiving for your sake - not for theirs. Give yourself the gift of forgiveness so you can feel better about yourself.
Have No Regrets - Forgive Yourself
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
- Reinhold Niebuhr
To feel good about yourself, you must also forgive yourself for everything you have ever done or failed to do. Wipe the slate clean - erase all your regrets. Let today be a new beginning for the rest of your life.
Be Grateful for the Miracle of Being You
There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.
- Albert Einstein
If you choose to focus your attention on what you don't have, you will be miserable. If you choose to focus your attention on what you do have, you will be happy and you will feel good about yourself.
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.
- Helen Keller (1880-1968) overcame being both deaf and blind to become a famous author and lecturer.
Consider adopting the practice of "zero-based gratitude." Be grateful for everything you have. Be grateful that you are alive. Be grateful that the sun rose this morning. Be grateful that you have food and shelter. Be grateful for the beauty of the world. Even if you are blind and homeless, you can find things for which to be grateful.
Care for Your Body
A man too busy to take care of his health is like a mechanic too busy to take care of his tools.
- Spanish Proverb
Your body doesn't have to meet anyone else's standards. Whatever your size and physical abilities, love yourself as you are. You will feel better about yourself if you care for your body as best you can. Eat healthy. Get enough sleep. Avoid stressful situations. Adopt daily healthful practices: take a daily walk, begin yoga, Qigong, or gentle stretching.
Care for Your Mind
Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
- Anonymous
Think depressing thoughts and you will be unhappy - think positive thoughts and you will be happy. Especially avoid stressful thoughts. Stress is harmful to your mind and your body, as well as to your emotional state. Begin daily practices to support your mental and emotional health: inspirational reading, meditation, or Qigong.
Care for Your Spirit
Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
You will feel better about yourself if you see a purpose to your life beyond the present moment. Whether from a religious or philosophical perspective, look beyond today with optimism for your future and the future of humankind.
Trust Yourself
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To feel good about yourself, you must trust yourself. Trust your purpose. Trust your goals. Trust your abilities. Trust your inherent worth as a person.

Step Up To the Plate

Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth

The Babe, as well as being the Home Run King,
led the American League in Strike Outs in 1918, 1923, 1924, 1927 and 1928.

You are certain never to be a winner if you don't take your time at bat.
Do your best, and accept with gratitude whatever result you get.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Defeat is not the worst of failures.
Not to have tried is the true failure.
- George Edward Woodberry

How you think when you lose
determines how long it will be until you win.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

Remember you will not always win.
Some days, the most resourceful individual will taste defeat.
But there is, in this case, always tomorrow -
after you have done your best to achieve success today.
- Maxwell Maltz

Further reading: How to Feel Better About Yourself

Simply Do Your Best

How to Deal with Rejection
     

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan

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